Papering over the cracks.


Woke up this morning feeling like hell and I think it is about time I faced up to the fact that I am barely coping. My social life is non-existent, I spend excessive amounts of time on line reaching out into cyberspace for company. My writing is suffering as is my health.

The future stretches before me and there are so many wonderful opportunities there for the taking. I have the ability to become a successful writer, my first grandson is due at Christmas and I have the small but significant finances available to create the environment we need.

But first I have to come to terms with Grief, that frightening, soul destroying process that I have spent months avoiding.

I miss Sam.

I miss my little boy.

And I feel so alone.

We lost him on May 21st 2009, I had carried him for 16 weeks and a routine scan revealed that he had died. What should have been a  wonderful moment descended into a nightmare that I can’t wake up from. He slipped away the following morning at home. We held him, tiny as he was, and the ensuing drama of physical pain, emergency surgery and blood transfusions left us both reeling.

Will life ever be the same again? 

loads of pics 228

 

Sam’s Little Garden.

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